Life: Socially Inept Old Person

So basically, it is 4am, and I really can not sleep. I have been trying to train myself for a while to just get into bed and close my eyes, and imagine that I have been hypnotised so I will be able to sleep the same hours as any other normal human being. But all I have so far managed to do, is think of things from past jobs that made me laugh.
Like socially inept old person.

Scenario: I worked in a cafe for three years. I was a waiter and I did enjoy the job. The tips were good, and the people were old and had funny stories to tell, or were just a little bit eccentric. There was a regular, total crack pot (bless her heart). She was blissfully unaware of social etiquette or anything that wouldn't involve embarrassing her family/husband/people in the general vacinity...you get the point.

I was walking in with her (and don't ask how I remember this, it was about 7 years ago now) roast lamb, three potatoes, parsnips, peas and carrots (no gravy) just the way she liked it. We started talking. I politely accepted that I was now about to lose roughly 30 minutes of my life with nodding in the right places and pretending that her most recent escapade with the blue rinse sewing club affected my life. She suddenly turned round and asked:

"Would you like to see a picture of my pussy?" (with a completely oblivious smile on her face I might add)

This was me:

But I think I handled this socially and mentally disturbing situation quite well, I coughed slightly and politely refused, on the grounds that I enjoyed being able to see, and not be mentally scarred for life. Clearly, she didn't listen, and she slooooowly reached into her handbag. I nearly screamed, but I didn't, just closed my eyes and prayed for a quick death.

When I opened my eyes again, this is what I was greeted with.

I was overjoyed, I nearly hugged her....nearly.
I was thinking of the tip to be honest.

Socially inept old people, you've gotta love them!

Farewell,

:)