The Head Librarian

I had an incident today that reinforced my view that librarians are still bully victims that have taken it upon themselves to get back at those who have plagued them since birth. They are people who have limited social skills and take it upon themselves to become to upholders of "Library Law".

Library Law cannot be broken. The golden rule in their culture is "The Books will Save us All", and their every whim must be obeyed at all times. You take a book back late, you are forever banned from their home domain, the Library. You will forever be prohibited from accessing the knowledge that their precious papers hold, branding you an idiot and failure to humanity for the rest of time.

Their is a strict code of hierarchy within the Librarian community. You must fight other Librarians to the top of a mile high books, with only a nail-studded club and spiky mace type weapons. Whoever makes it to the top first, is head Librarian, and they are the equivalent of Librarian God.
Like this.

I tried to take some books out today from the university Library, an unconventional place for any student to be at such an early time.
I need them for a feature due in next week, so I was doing some research.
The machine that can be used to check out the books was in a bad mood. It didn't like my student card. So I went to the desk. I didn't realize this woman had got to the top of the pile first.

Here goes the conversation:

Me: "I need these books, but my bar-code hasn't been recognized."

Librarian: "I'll just have a look for you."

Me: "Cheers."

Librarian: "You can't have the books. You have a block. You have handed books in late *gives the look of death* no books for you. No books for a week. No books!"

Me: "But I have an essay due next week, I need these books now."

Librarian: "NO! You don't get books! No books for you! You have a block. You handed books in late, you don't get to take the books!"

Me: "But..."

Librarian: "NOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKSSSSSSSS!!!"

I genuinely thought she was going to implode.
I didn't get the books.

Boo.

Farewell,

:)

The Church goes digital

The Church goes digital

Just another of the more serious things that I write for NXGzine in London, part of my work experience, and training towards being a pro-journo and moving to NYC!

Life: The Waking Up Trauma

There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can wake up in the morning and jump right into life, and 

Those who wander around in a stupor for a good hour, dribbling slightly and grunting incoherently at any noise that they take notice of.

I discovered for real this morning I am a fully fledged member of the second group. 

Waking up for me has always been like brain surgery, overly hard and takes many years of training to successfully complete without the result of death to another.

I stumbled downstairs, bleary eyed and muttering curses at the world in general, and groped my way to the kitchen at boyfriends house. He had a cup of tea waiting for me, bless him. It didn't help at all.

I managed to wrap my hand around the mug and stared at the human shaped blob that was him, sniffed, and sat on the floor. I basically looked like a primeval caveman but with slightly less intelligence. They could make fire, I could just about make noise, but it was a horrific struggle none-the-less.

I was thus led up to the bed, and laid to rest, so I could gain control of my saliva glands, and my limbs, as they were unable to function due to the stupid number that was displayed on the clock.

I hate mornings.

Belated New Years Resolution: Be able to act like a civilised human being who can speak with words and sentences when woken up, and not resort to violence.

Farewell,

:)